How am I STILL struggling with this?

It’s easy to look at the last 10 months of my life and wonder “what the hell, woman?” There are days I wake up and say the same thing. Trust me.

Unshelved image from a hike I shot and shelved 2 years ago. Unclog the backlog.

Six years ago today I finished the 2-day class called Empower Thyself and became initiated in to an ancient lineage. If you had told me I would still be struggling with my foundation 6 years later I would have quit. I’m so glad I didn’t.

Truth be told, I’ve had the year I’ve had because of choices I’ve been making over the last few years. In my impatient rush to get the next thing, I’ve dug myself into a rather intense hole. I kept “trusting the process,” I would say to myself. Once I do X then Y will happen and all will be splendid! Yeah, “ya thought,” as my youngest likes to say.

In some ways it’s hard to criticize my choices because from those choices I’ve learned, healed and transmuted a lot. However, some of those choices have created hardships I am now in the process of digging myself out of. It’s stressful. It’s uncomfortable. It’s humbling. It’s embarrassing, even. My confidence took a huge hit over the last 10 months. I kind of crashed out in a lot of ways. It’s been a really rough year.

AND, the knowledge I’m gaining while I correct it all is POWERFUL. The ways I’ll be able to help others is powerful. The wisdom I’m gaining will unlock door for future me.

If you could go back in time would you, kind of question. It’s hard to say no to that while I’m still in the thick of the climb out, but honestly, I don’t think I would. One day I would love it if I wan’t the cautionary tale, that maybe I can start learning from other people’s mistakes more often than not, but till then, I’m glad I’m building these muscles and gaining this wisdom no matter the vehicle. I suppose… sigh. Ask me again in a year.

I want to note that a lot of what I’m about to say was told to me by every teacher I’ve ever had in the MMS. I didn’t listen. This is my own doing. Listen to your guide / teachers.

Lesson 1. When you take a class in the MMS, go home and integrate it. Make it part of your weekly study. Truly get comfortable with it. THEN take another class. DON’T go home and look at it here and there and then throw it on the shelf and immediately sign up for another class. Integrate. Then go back. Integrate first! This all builds upon each other. Build a stable foundation before stacking class after class on top of it. Get real good talking about and booking Life Activations before you even think about Healers 2 or RM1. Focus on the Light first!

Lesson 2. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. This is MY experience. Keep in mind. Save your pennies, do not go into debt, don’t spend all of your savings. You know your life better than me, but slow down and pay as you go. Get a 2nd job or whatever is right for you. When we try to progress on other people’s energy, the energy of the class you’re taking doesn’t fully come in until the debt is paid, a lot of the time. Gifted money is great. Debt, not great. If you’re struggling with integration, stop adding more classes, pay off the debt, and integrate what you already have.

Lesson 3. Work on your self-worth. Your value as a human should never be based on your titles. Dr, nurse, president, father, mother, healer, RM2.5, teacher, guide, etc. Your value is intrinsic. So, if you find you’re unable to attend the class you want, or stay certified in whatever it is you’re doing, you don’t have an entire crash out identity crisis. Those are all great things, but they don’t define you. You are a divine eternal being, your value is already claimed. Worthiness is different. Worthiness = preparedness. Are you prepared to find your true love? Are you prepared to be wealthy? Are you prepared for your dream job, house, etc. Have you/are you doing the work to anchor whatever it is you want? Many lottery winners become poor again because they didn’t do the work. That’s another topic for another day though.

Lesson 4. You can’t give what you don’t have. I was so blind to how I was digging myself into a hole, I couldn’t see the root causes of why I was digging the hole to begin with. I am out here offering people a path to self-worth and the whole time the hole in my foundation was a massive missing piece of self-worth. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve come lightyears from where I came from, I love myself SO MUCH MORE than I did 6 years ago. However, some of the biggest woundings were still hidden to me till recently and I am already seeing massive improvements in my life having uncovered them. THIS MONTH. It’s been a few weeks of big discoveries and I am already shifting.

Lesson 5. The basics are the foundation. Master the basics. Rituals and exercises you learn in Empower Thyself, Sacred Geometry 1, Astral Travel 1, Spiritual Intuition. Make them all a part of your daily, weekly, monthly life. Master them. It makes higher level classes infinitely easier to integrate and to even understand. Once you become an LAP, practice talking about it. Not to “sell it” in a car salesman like manner, but because it’s so important. Light not shared dies. Become confident and sharing this amazing tool with other humans so they can progress. If you can’t share the light now, RM will not serve you. Trust me. Remember, I apparently enjoy being the cautionary tale. I love what I’ve learned as a RM, but had I done lesson 5, I would be in a vastly different place right now.

Lesson 6. What we are doing is called The Great Work. Remembering that we are divine eternal beings. We are God in training. God in the physical. The Great Remembering. This takes time. There are layers. I am only now seeing what I’m seeing because I’ve done enough work to get me here. There is a process, do trust it, but you trust it by DOING IT. Mere acquisition is not doing it. Even as a photographer I was shooting and shelving entire SD cards full of art for years. I might look through a bit of a hike shoot, but then never again. YEARS and THOUSANDS of photographs collecting digital dust. Then I get a massive creativity block. Energy flows. Too much backlogged and not sorted, integrated, and used and the system jams.

There’s probably 10 more lessons, but it’s time to shower for work. I love you all!

ONE STEP AT A TIME. INTEGRATE. SAVE. RESPECT YOUR ENERGY. CHILL OUT. SLOW DOWN. KNOW YOUR VALUE AND GET PREPARRING.